Day 2

Just got home from the radiologist appointment. Felt pretty decent most of the morning until I was standing looking at charts with the Doc and got all woozy and had to make a run for the bathroom while he was midsentence. Another thing to note: standing in one place not good - sitting better.

Back at Dad's house and Mom's gonna make me lunch.. I am hungry. Aaron's still sick so I am here for another day or two. I miss him and Jax. Therefore I'm gonna spend the afternoon with Mom, Harry Potter, and Jasper.

I forgot to knock on wood, I feel like crap.

Day 1

Got home around noon. Felt really bad between 2-4pm. Maybe cuz I hadn't eaten really anything all day. Feel much better now at 6:30 after Mom made me spaghetti for dinner and I ate some homemade gluten free apple crisp dessert. I am suprised its all staying down but food definitely helped. Going through hot/cold issues and feel a flu like headache. So I doubt I can complain too much cuz I am not doubled over the toilet with nausea...but I can still whine a little bit like everyone when they don't feel too great.

Aarons sick so I am over at Dad's place. It sucks he can't be around but I can't afford to get sick. If anyone wants to come visit over the next few days let me know cuz I will be here...just give me a warning to make sure I am feeling a-ok so I can fix the Pat Benetar/bedhead hair I have going on at the moment. ha! But you have to stay away if you are sick or have been sick lately. Dad's bringing home face masks :)

Radiation consultation appt tomorrow at 11 and other than that... REST.

My cell phone is dead (for now) and I am using my old phone cuz the other one is broken so I don't have any contacts saved. Please text me so I can resave your # and let me know who it is in the text... cuz I didn't memorize any #'s.

Taking it one hour at a time....

The big kahuna of chemo's

Me ....chemo tomorrow. Not sure what the next 6 months will bring. But I need to tell myself - hair enhances your outward appearance it does not define you, life will go on for those around me, I will feel better eventually, makeup does wonders for self esteem, and I am not alone.





Here's the plan stan:
Week 1 - Chemo FEC (Fluorouracil, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide)
Week 4 - Chemo FEC
Week 7 - Chemo FEC
Week 10-18 - Weekly Chemo Docetaxel
Week 10-15 - Daily Radiation (w/chemo)

My mission: eat clean, stay positive, be as active as possible (so I need ppl to drag me out for a walk k?!), and take things one hour at a time.

The next best thing to a fruity drink on a beach!? A giant helium fruity drink!!!

THANKS FOR THE BALLOONS LADIES!!

Hair Schmair

Cut the hair off today! Well my good friend Diane did it for me. It was less traumatizing then I expected. Once it starts falling out I will get Diane to shave it off. I also posted pics of the 2 wigs I got. Needs some fine tuning and styling but you get the jist. I miss my big curly hair but I will have to deal with it... cuz I doubt I will get used to it. Definitely gonna need a few hats cuz today is chilly and my head feels bare... and its only Sept!

Tomorrow is chemo day.... still not sure what to expect. The doc told me not to eat a lot tomorrow to see how my stomach feels.

Mel is coming over tonight and I'm gonna suggest we go to Shoppers to check out the makeup counter. I think I need to get some fresh new makeup ... to feel a little prettier. I doubt Mel will turn this shopping trip down :)

Hair Pics

Adios Ttttttttoronto!

Heading home after spening a weekend with the lil sis! It was a good visit and for the most part I felt like a somewhat normal person touring around the T.dot. But I found myself just getting super tired by mid afternoon and it was frustrating cuz I wanted to galavant all around town...but my body was just like theres not enough energy.

After spending the last year talking about how we want to go to the Science Centre, that was Aaron and my plan for yesterday afternoon. So we head out there at around 1pm. Theres a gigantic line to get in the parking lot... but we figure that its Saturday and just busy. We head inside and area greeted by a lady handing us our free tickets. I was like huh free tickets?! Well I guess just our luck we decided to go on the Science Centre's birthday and it was free admission. IT WAS PACKED... we tried to walk around for 15 minutes and then decided to leave. You couldnt look at anything without there being a kid screaming like a wild banshee running around us. All food items were .69 which was the cost when the Science centre opened. It was like every parent was in this food lineup while their kids were let loose to run around. Aaron and I were like no thanks! So we left. What a bummer. We ended up just driving around and ended up seeing Greek town, little Italy, Korea town, and China town.

We stopped for a few minutes at Janan's place and then went for a walk down Yonge St. towards the Eaton centre. About 10 minutes into the walk I felt really miserable... it was too crowded, half raining and tired. We went into the Winners on College St. which is huge and normally I would be in my glory but it was too crowded and I felt claustrophobic and overheated. Janan met us there and we left and went walking back in the direction to Janan's place. I had been googling Mexican restuarants for 2 days and on our walk we ended up seeing a place. Its called Cucino Lucera south of Young and Welleselley. It totally hit the spot and I was excited to get my tacos. They weren't crunchy tacos but boy was it good! Fresh homemade corn tortillas and guacamole...mmmmm So now we have a mexican hookup within walking distance from Janan's place.

There's also this store called Noah's across from Janan's place and I was able to score some vegan (no egg no dairy) gluten free german chocolate cake and some rice parmesan cheese. yummm. I will have to put in an oder for Janan next time she comes home ha!

Throw in some shopping and all in all it was a good getaway. Just frustrated at how quickly I was exhausted and literally ready for bed by 8pm (7pm yesterday!!) Poor Aaron... I know he wanted to hit the town.

I ended up with this kit from Sephora for brows. I am gonna practice a bit at home...
http://www.toofaced.com/product_template.asp?dept_sub_id=17&dept_id=3&cat_id=34

I'm getting anxious about starting treatment this week but thats still 2 days away and I can't let my nerves get the best of me. Heading out for brekkie soon cuz I'm STARVING... !!

I am starting to get the feeling back in my arms....

Just got home from the last of the tests...the MIBI. This was by far the WORST test. FIRST they want to give you an injection in your foot... ughhh ick omg I get the heeby jeebys thinking about it. I was dreading it all week but told myself to suck it up and it will be 2 minutes of horror. Well instead of tying that rubber band on your upper arm, they tie it on your ankle so then after 30 seconds you can feel your foot throbbing then its PAIN as they try to jab you in a vein in your foot. It didn't go over so well and she ended up giving me the injection in my arm. So lesson learned... you never HAVE to have an injection in your foot... don't do it.

The MIBI test consisted was physically and mentally trying because u have to lay face down with your arms above your heard except theres nothing supporting your chest so its wreaking havoc on your spine and shoulders and upper arms. I had to stay perfectly still for 25 min, then 3 intervals of 5 minutes. THEN I had to come back in 2 hours and do it all over again. BRUTAL. Needless to say I booked a 30 min massage therapy session for 3:15.

Aaron and I are going to go visit Janan and Rubina tomorrow. I'm pretty excited and gonna go to Sephora to check out eyebrow stencils. I'm sure Aaron will want to make a trip to the Billabong store which is fine cuz he deserves it.

Melinda and I went on a hard shell taco hunt in London 2 weekends ago with not much success (Taco Bell does not apply). So I've got Janan on the hunt in Toronto to find me hard shell tacos AND a gluten free pasta restaurant.

Stress is building so I am glad to get away for a few days. A walk around Toronto should clear my head a bit. AND I am excited for vegan german chocolate cake.

CIBC Run for the Cure SHOUT OUT!!

I have found out some awesome people I know are participating in the CIBC Run for the Cure on Sunday Oct 4! I will attend but won't be running/walking but want to thank everyone who is involved. Your support to find a cure for this disease is truly amazing :) !!!

If anyone would like to donate to one of my SUPER DUPER friends please go to the following website and you can search by name (London) to donate to their group.

https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/participant_search.asp

The Cold Spring Farm ladies (The Supper Clubbers) can be found under one of the following names: Dimitra Bolton, Kim Mendonca, Karen Martin, Melissa Mathers

La Vie en Rose where all of you know I used to work is very involved with breast cancer. It's the company's "charity"! Some of my old crew is participating as the La Vie en Rose team which you can find by searching: Andria Hazlewood.

Mom has told me a few of her friends will be participating including Debbie Vickers.

My good friends Teresa Bannon (Team Mares) and Lauren Moon are also participating in the Run.

If I missed anyone I apologize and let me know so I can give a big shout out! I know a lot of people are running for multiple people they know who have been effected by breast cancer. It's extremely touching and I want to say THANK YOU!

A productive day so far!

CT scan was a strange experience. Upon arrivng had to drink 2 litres of what tasted like bad well water at room temperature. Some sort of concoction for the test. This was yucky at 8am...Then for the test the injection was warm and I was told you would feel like you peed your pants. Which I did.... I asked the technologist to please check and assure me that in fact I had not peed all over the CT table. After a quick check I was good to go.

Dad and I then met with Dr. Dingle the Oncologist. A good meeting and I'm confirmed to start chemo next Tuesday and not like this Thursday like I was mentally preparing myself for. I discussed natural supplements/herbs etc with the doc and he has requested that I do not take any natural supplements until after chemo...not sure how I feel about this as I had been having good talks with Dr. Shaw my naturopath about what I can do to help with the side effects of chemo. I will have to ponder this some more and have another app. on Friday with the naturopath.

The last test today is the bone scan. I had to go in at 11:30 and was given a radioactive injection and have to go back at 3:30 for the acutal test. So Mom, Dad, and I had a yummy soup and salad lunch at Williams before Mom and I headed back to the house for R&R.

I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning (probably til 8am! ha!). I'm pondering the idea of heading to Toronto for the weekend as I don't start chemo til next week and Aaron has Friday off.

...no title

It's 6:20am on Tuesday... I am tired...maybe clocked in 2 hours of sleep. My mind won't stop charging full speed ahead and its hard to slow down. However physically I feel sluggish. - not a good combo.

Dad's picking me up in half an hour to go to the CT scan, followed by a meeting with the Oncologist and heading to South St. hospital for the bone scan. Its going to be a loooong morning, but at least if they have to rush I won't be sitting around in waiting rooms all day.

Gonna take some grapes and a gluten free blueberry muffin with me but its just too early too eat right now.

One word to describe the last few days - overwhelming.

Agent 007

Well I couldn't sleep at alllll last night. My eyes started going all crosseyed reading Harry Potter at around 9:30pm so I put the book down and passed out for about an hour before waking up at 11ish and then I was up every 15 min or so after that. Finally at 7am I decided to take a sleeping pill which conked me out till 10:30am. When I woke up Aaron had cleaned the kitchen and tidied the living room... awww !! Not sure where he is now.. maybe the gym?

So still sore from yesterday's biopsy which also contributed to my restless sleep as I couldn't get comfy. The actual biopsy was a piece of cake compared to last time when I have 4 sites done at one time. I guess I am starting to be a pro at it.

Yesterday was our first visit (Aaron, Mom, Dad, and me) to the Cancer Clinic at Vic Hospital. It is a busy place!! We met with Dr. Brackstone who discussed my treatment plan and the study. The anticipated start date for chemo is next Thursday. My CT scan was bumped up to Tuesday and I will meet the oncologist later that day. Need to squeeze in a few more tests before then, so bring it on! It was also confirmed that I will be losing 100% of my hair and that should start around 2 weeks after the first round of chemo. I have been mentally preparing myself for this but..it is just hair and I know there will be far bigger hurdles physically down the road. And to tell you the truth I am more aprehensive about losing my eyebrows!! I was told there is a Look Good Feel Good program at the Cancer clinic which deals with makeup etc.... this could either be helpful or really cheesy. Please send a good makeup artist my way or else I will be making a trip to MAC on the art of eyebrow stenciling.

Mom and I ventured out in the late afternoon to search for wigs. The cancer clinic had given me a list of places to check out in London which was longer than I expected.
Our first stop was "Just Between Friends" by Wellington & Commissioners. It was scary and intimidating walking into the store. And then once you see a wall of wigs on plastic heads... the fear and realization that yes I will be wearing a wig and not just for Halloween sets in. Almost had a mini melt down but sucked it up and started picking out ones I thought looked nice. After a try on session of about 8 I narrowed it down to 2 - a short mod bob that made me feel like a 007 secret spy agent (in a good way!) and a long dark layered cut. The saleslady wrote down the 2 styles and we decided to check out some other places.
Next went to Abiento across the street. Very strange... most lights off and the 2 salespeople sat at the front desk and didn't say a word to us as we walked to the wig section at the back of the store. (Very different vibe than first store) Mom and I did a quick once over and decided to leave. On our way out the one sales lady asked "that was quick, didn't find what you were looking for?" to which I responded "Well...its quite intimidating walking into a store to look for a wig and neither of you even said hi to us or got out of your chair". (GO ME!!) They looked at us rather stunned then started stumbling over their words... I ended up trying on 2 wigs their and one was ok... I just wasn't feeling the whole experience. So we left.
Next stop... K-Laba on Dundas in a little bit of a sketchy area so not sure what to expect. Not your typical cancer wig store... more like weaves and wigs for everybody! Walked in and immediately saw a big difference in price (cancer wig stores ranged $250-500, while this store was $50-$300). But we did not see a difference in quality. The wigs at the previous stores were nice but they were almost too perfect and had that wiggy look. The wigs at this store looked like normal hair! So I had a bit of a self Diva moment trying on wigs that actually resembled my hair/look. Much more success here and I felt like myself. We ended up purchasing a long dark wavy wig with highlights and a shiny super straight dark wig that went just past my shoulders. For younger people I would definitely recommend this store as they were super helpful and chemo patients got 5% off! HA!

Funny Story: We bought 2 styrafoam heads to keep the wigs on. I had set them on the table by the front door and when Jax realized they were there he started a growling at them AHAHAH. Apparently he's not a fan of styrafoam heads.

Today is going to be a non cancer day as Aaron and I are helping get things together for Doug and Paula's wedding. BUT that could change as I am on call in case they can get me in for tests so I can't go far.

THE PLAN as it stands:
- Tuesday: CT Scan (booked), Bone Scan (booked), see Dr. Dingle Oncologist (booked)
- Thursday: MIBI scan (tbd), see Dr. Yew Radiologist, start Chemo (tbd)

MUGA WHA!?

So the MUGA scan turned out to be very uneventful... they took some blood, separated the red blood cells and inserted radioactive material and gave it back to me (injection). Then I had to lie on a table'y thing and this hunk of flat plastic (I am sure theres more to it) was moved close to my chest. Next thing I know the technologist told me.."ok one more picture to go"...I then asked when the lights and noises were going to start!? haha I guess cuz the only thing I had to compare it to was an MRI which buzzzes and bangs and is bright (ask Ashraf for a great impression). She told me this was one of the most uneventful tests and I have to agree although I still don't like having blood taken.. BAHH. Mom and I have agreed that blood taking is a skill...

Aaron suggested I shave the hair on my arm where they stick tape to hold the cotton ball down. Good call... why didn't I think of this sooner!? HA

Tomorrow I am going for another core biopsy at St. Joe's which needs to be done before they perform the rest of the tests (bone scan, CT scan, MIBI). Then I have to head to LHSC to the Cancer Clinic to meet Dr. Brackstone who is heading the study and get me all set up.

Moms been taking me to all these test while Aaron is sleeping cuz he's on midnight. She's been keeping me busy which I really appreciate although it was nice to finally come home and rest.

I saw Dr. Shaw my naturopath yesterday and she's referred me to a Naturopathic Dr. in London that specializes in oncology. There are apparently a lot of natural things I can do (supplements, herbs, juicing, vit C therapy) that will make the journey easier. I am looking forward to pursuing these possibilities!

I am feeling restless today... I just want things to move forward. Although I am being reassured by my family doc and all the other medical people involved that this whole process is moving quickly. But for me it feels like FORRREEVERRR. It feels like my life is still while everyone elses is moving forward. But I don't know if thats 100% negative because I am taking some "me" time, seeing what really matters and blah blah all that stuff.


NEXT
- Tomorrow: Core Biopsy, meet Study Surgeon

SUPPORT?

I am seeking any support groups/young breast cancer people?! Let me know if you have any leads!

Also - this blog can be shared with friends, friends of friends, family, etc...

Links

http://www.uptodate.com/patients/content/topic.do?topicKey=~OpyPPJz32oB2c

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MUGA_scan

FEELINGS

scared, tired, anxious, angry, eager, hopeful, thankful, bored, lost, motivated

Well here it is... I am officially a blogger.

I am officially a blogger! This blog will be about my story, how I'm feeling, whats going on, and just in general about ME!

So to recap the past month here goes:
- Discovered large lump in left breast mid August
- Immediately made Dr. appointment who referred me to an ultrasound at St. Joe's. No Sweat! I have been there many times before monitoring a lump on the right side.
- August 28/09 go for ultrasound which turned into 4 core biopsies the same day and a referral for an MRI. Again mehhh they are just taking precautions... and the Dr's are being extra thorough... SWEET!
- Sept 3/09 go in for MRI and realize that MRI's are usually a 4-6 week wait. hmmmm. After the MRI head to a mammogram. By this time I am thinking something may be wrong, maybe I will need surgery just to be on the safe side, maybe its cancer but really what are the chances. Same day head to family Dr. for the results of the biopsy where I am told both bioposies on the left side came back positive for cancer and the biopsies from the right side were not. HOLY SHIT... I have cancer....no serioulsy....ok I have cancer?!? I half listned to the rest of the conversation with the Dr. so thank goodness Aaron was with me. Seriously.. thank you Aaron.

Fast forward 1 week of waiting, lack of sleep, boredom, anxiety,... you name it, I felt it... to Sept 10/09 where I met with the Surgeon and we reviewed the results from the MRI. She informed me I have Locally Advanced Breast Cancer (LABC) which only accounts for 5-10% of breast cancers. Not the easiest to treat but not the worst.

I have agreed to be part of a study for LABC patients where they combine chemo and radiation at the same time. I thought well since this cancer has decided to be aggressive, I sure as hell am going to be! Since then I have been waiting for tests... The plan is chemo & radiation first agressively for 6 months followed by surgery.

The plan for this week... WAITING for phone calls from an extremely helpful nurse.
- MUGA scan booked for Wednesday
- Meeting with study Dr. and Oncologist Thursday
Should have 1-2 more tests between now and Wednesday.

Well thats the jist of the details...hoping to get more info on Thursday and lets get this thing effing started.

Ps Thanks to Aaron, Mom, Dad, Janan, & Ashraf during those first few weeks.... you guys kept me focused and grounded. mucho appreciation.